Seasons and Silence

Last week I did a lot of driving... 32 hours to be exact.  I drive about 30 minutes to work each way and have found that time to be one of the few moment's of peace I get all day. 

I work in an open plan office in an industry where I'm interacting with creatives and clients and vendors all day long.  The computer is on, the phone is ringing, there is music playing and other people having meetings and phone conversations.

At home, I walk into the house with animals barking and running, the TV is often on and I need to share time with my husband.

While most of these are good, or at least interesting, things, for a "Highly Sensitive" person they can be overwhelming and exhausting.  I tolerate the stimulus as much as I can, but eventually I need to recharge and, frankly, hide out!

As a child, I had a walk in closet.  My bookshelf was in there and I would sit in there with my back to the door and relax and read.  Even now you will sometimes find me in my closet sitting on the floor and just organizing stuff.  And if I'm away from home, after a time I will need to go away from people and sit in a quiet room.  There is only so much I can take.

Moments of peace are hard to find in the over-sharing, over-stimulated, over-bright world.

On my drive home, I will frequently leave the radio off.  The wind and tires are enough background noise, akin to white noise, and they help me to transition from work and prepare for home.

Lately I have been using the TED app on my iPhone to listen to TED talks.  There are so many great ones to choose from  with topics ranging from activism to inspiration.  I just love them!

These are particularly appropriate:

Five Ways to Listen Better

Four Ways Sound Effect Us

Music, can muffle and soothe (my favorite is classical or African singers such as Habib Koite) but my favorite thing to listen to is....

The tumble dryer!  It could be the association with warm, clean towels or afternoons at home, but I love it.  I listen to that or the "cat purring" environment on iSerenity.com all the time!

The darker days of Fall and Winter, with early dusk, rain and cool weather, are my time to recharge.  What do you do to relax, pamper and protect yourself?

Fashion Influences (?)

While other bloggers were having fun at Lady Gaga, I was sitting in a town government commission meeting. This week was crazy so it’s been a little light on the blog front. Plus, as you can guess from the first sentence, my life can be straight up boring. It’s hard to find time to eat or sleep, much less do some thing fun like read or write.

But this morning I did finally get the chance to do a bit of link clicking and went over to Miss Tavi's site to read her post discussing fashion and responding to Tanya Gold’s Why I Hate Fashion article.

Before I launch into my thoughts about Ms. Gold’s article, I want to say that I think it’s great that I, a 37 year-old, can have an intellectual discussion with a 13 year-old. Many would relegate Tavi to a mere "child" status and discount much of what she has to say. I think that is very biased. I'm generally not a "kid person" but I am a fan of smart intellectually curious and engaged kids... just ask my amazingly smart and talented friend Miss Bridget who's been impressing the hell out of me since she was approximately 6 years old. I don't think it’s weird or surprising that Miss Tavi has an interest in and great knowledge of fashion and actually forms educated opinions about the arena. Heck, I remember at 13 I was given a list of classic books we were going to be reading in high school and college and was appalled that I hadn’t read some of them already. I then spent my summer reading most of the list. That age is the perfect time to be passionate about something and totally immerse yourself.

But back to the article and, in theory, my point for writing. I see both ladies’ perspectives here.

But I have another.

I appreciate artistry, especially in this day and age of increasingly disposable fashion. I appreciate the designer's eye and vision. I understand they have an aesthetic they are trying to achieve. I'm sure that is the rationale behind choosing the models they do. I can also see how a consumer seeing very thin girls and not seeing a range of sizes and shapes represented in ads, on the runway or even in stores can make you feel like you are pushed out of the realm of the "fashionable".

The way I have kept from being overly influenced and possibly feeling bad about myself is because I am a superficial consumer. I mentally separate the designer's fantasy from my purchasing criteria as much as I can. Tanya seems to be more ifluenced by the messaging they are sending. But what I think is great about fashion is creating your own vision with the pieces that are put out and less trying to fit into their fantasy. Sure, in my younger years I was probably more impacted body image-wise by advertising - ironically during my most effortlessly thin timespan - but I've worked to move on from that.

As I've gotten older, I just care about what I like. And while I'm not thin, I'm not outside of the range of "regular" sizes either. So while Ms. Gold feels liberated by no longer fitting in with fashion and therefore having an "outsider's" perspective on what she feels is the absurdity and dangers of the fashion industry, I'm still sort of in it. But what surprises me is why she lets it get to her. I've always tried to subscribe to the Eleanor Roosevelt saying: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent and WendyB’s: Wear what you want. Tanya should, especially as a 36 year old, be able to enjoy what she wears and not feel like she has to be or act a certain way because of a marketing campaign. Maybe that is a difficult task for her and many others.

It's not like I don't have body issues and self-conscious doubts like anyone else. But I try not to let that hold me back. I've never been easily influenced by outside pressures. I don't buy things because others are or becase they're in style or because of a devotion to a designer or brand. I only buy what I like. I just want what I want. I've said it before but it bears repeating- I don't care about a pedigree, if I like it, I like it. End of story. Maybe I've always been more self-confident and strong-willed than others. Heck, you could even call me cocky rather than the kinder "self- assured". And that great for me, right? Is it being to simplistic to say that everyone can feel this way? Do I have too high of expectations of people and expect others to be as strong willed as I am. Is that unfair?

But I have faith in people. I don't think you HAVE to feel bad about yourself, no matter what the ads and society norms say. You can be whoever and however you are and still have fun with your clothes. Yes, you can get mad and be frustrated when you see something you like or want and you can't get it. That sucks, believe me, I've been there. But when that happens, don't get mad at yourself or your body shape. Get mad at the companies ... And let them know! I can't tell you how many times I've called and bitched at a company for not making my size. You can do it too. Don't just sit there moping that fashion hates you and women and is nothing but something that makes us all miserable. Fashion is, at least for me, just fun. That's probably why I have a schizophrenic eclectic all-over-the-damn-place wardrobe. One day I'm in a vintage-inspired lady who lunches look and the next I'm in black sequins, bones and knee-high combat boots. I'm enjoying it, even if I get some crazy looks.

I am energized and inspired by my blogger friends. Them much more so than any industry type. Editors and models that have access to everything do little to impress me with their so called "style". Individuals creating unique personality-filled looks with pieces thrifted, vintage and from regular stores are much more inspiring.

If you enjoy who you are, you can enjoy clothes and accessories too.

An Interior Life

Table for One by Mr Pins via Flickr

Growing up I would have to say that I was considered to be a bit of an introvert. At least by my family. There was a major disconnect between how I was at home and how I was when I was with my friends. At home I tended to prefer staying in my room reading rather then being out with everyone else. It didn’t help that I always felt like I was somewhere in the middle, not really fitting in to any group. I was the oldest cousin by 5 years so I wasn’t really into hanging with “the kids” yet I wasn’t a part of the adult group either. I was just sort of in a familial limbo. It was even hard to punish me because no TV and sending me to my room were just fine with me. I always had my books to read. And read read read I did.

At school it was totally different… I was talkative and sarcastic and would get in trouble for chatting away too much. It helped that I went to a private parochial school and spent 9 years with the same people. Basically we grew up together. We knew each other pretty well and I had my comfort zone of friends around me.

But in my sophomore year I changed to an enormous public high school. Not only did I not know a single soul but I didn’t know the politics, how to deal with so many different cliques, how to navigate this maze of rooms or even find my locker. In situations like this the introverted side of my nature came out and created a pattern than exists to this day. I read. A lot.

So now, when coming into a new “group”, be it a job or a conference or whatever, I tend to sit back and observe. I’m not shy, I can and will talk to pretty much everyone, but like to first see what everyone says and does. I prefer to keep my comments to myself and don’t just put out what I am thinking or feeling. This can go on for ages. One of my biggest issues is that I worry that I’m going to bore people, so I keep my trap shut. I think this comes off as either bitchy or aloof.

Sadly for me this is really not who I am… at least I don’t think so.

Safe to say I’ve spent a fair amount of time alone, either by choice or by necessity. I used to travel a lot by myself for work in my younger days and lived alone too. It’s actually very comfortable for me. On the negative side it tends to reinforce this kind of bad habit I have of acting introverted. On the positive side I don’t mind and can easily do stuff by myself.

I go shopping alone. I’ve gone to movies many times alone. I’ve taken solo trips and sometimes just head out for the day to do errands alone just for some “down-time.” It actually surprises and amazes me that there are people out there who have never done any of these things or even eaten in a restaurant by themselves.

Where the hell am I going with this?

Oh, yeah. Needing armor.

There are so many things we have nowadays to protect us from feeling alone, even when we are alone. In my purse I have: an iPod so I could watch a show or movie or listen to music, a Kindle to read books, magazines or newspapers, an iPhone to call someone, Twitter, text, email or play a game, a journal to write down any emo-ish angst or make lists, my blackberry to answer work emails and even a real paper book too.

We use these things to distract and entertain us but from what? From the world around us? From feeling vulnerable? Do we use them validate ourselves, to prove that we are sitting there alone for a reason. That we are intentionally alone and that we have a purpose. Why do we feel we have to prove anything and to who do we feel the need to prove it? To the waiter? To the people walking by us?

It’s pretty easy to lose the armor in a public yet blissfully anonymous situation. It’s easy to be a little more open with someone who isn’t going to judge you and that you are unlikely to see again. I’ve actually found my best meals and best service came when I didn’t have the distraction open or plugged in. I smiled with my server. I shared a glance with the neighboring table. I’d got complimentary glass of wine and a great dessert recommendation.

For me it’s harder to be open in the group situations. It’s something I struggle with and continue to struggle with. It takes a while for me to get comfortable saying my thoughts. And then I have set-backs where I don’t think I should have opened up at all.

Part of that is self-consciousness and self-doubt, yes, and I’m sure part of it is my own personality… by which I mean I know can be a pain in the ass. I have a tendency to say things for, ideally, humorous exaggeration or effect. Sometimes the effect is not what I intended. I’m not comfortably a “joiner.” I can be kind of snarky and sarcastic (I sound like a real joy, right???). And that pattern can be a form of armor too.

In the past I’ve pushed myself to move outside of my comfort zone and beyond my ingrained patterns. Great and magical things have happened and I’ve seen new directions come to my life. But right now I feel like crap emotionally and as if I’m at a cross-road yet again. They say we are alive to learn and overcome our fears. If that is true, I’m still very much a work in progress. A big part of me just wants to sit in the corner and read a book. It’s certainly safer. But I don’t think I can allow that. I shouldn’t, right? I’m not trying to change myself but maybe I need a revise? Add a few chinks in the armor? I’m working on it.

What challenges do you face and how have you worked through them? I’d love to hear about your journeys too.

How to Make a Leo Fall in Love with You

This is just so right that it's wrong!

Sadly if you hit all these checkboxes you would make my silly Leo head spin.

Of course, you have to be a good person too. I mean, that's right up there with the whole "expensive gifts" and "flattery" stuff...

Really....

Video Courtesy of Howcast